A little insight please!

A little insight please!

I know that the worst someone can say is no but I would like a little insight on the email that I am sending to the real estate agent on the house that we are living in. Here is the email:

Dear Mrs. Hohenstein:

I would like you to propose this offer to Fannie Mae for the house that is located at 324 Castleman Road (aka 320 Castleman Road), Carrollton, GA 30116.

I know that Fannie Mae is the practice of making money and not holding homes. With this house being our home and the place that we want to continue to raise our four children. I propose this offer in the best way that I know of to make the home ours and for Fannie Mae to still make their money and not have to hold the house indefinitely while people are looking for something else. I propose that Fannie Mae allow us to make payments to purchase the house through them with an interest rate. (see attached chart.) We will pay the asking price of $62,900 on the condition that they carry the loan until either we can acquire one from another bank or pay it off out right. We also agree to pay an interest rate on the loan of 4.5%. With the insurance and property tax rolled into the monthly payments as well.
The house is in need of some repair such as carpets, cabinets, appliances, front porch railings, painting, mold on the bathroom cabinets that need to be replaced because of the water damage. We are willing to deal with and fix these problems. They do not affect our desire for this home. The only other negotiation that we would like for Fannie Mae to do is to pay the closing costs (if any) and the real estate commission to Mrs. Hohenstein for doing such a wonderful job and being considerate to our family in this terrible time.
I hope that this seems like as good a proposal to Fannie Mae as it would be to our family. It would allow Fannie Mae to not have to carry the property any more as well as give my family a place to live. Fannie Mae will also not have to lower the asking price further and also gain the interest off of the property resulting in an additional $51,832.
Please contact me with changes that can be made. My family really wants to stay living in this home so we are definitely open for negotiation to make this sale happen as quickly as possible.

I did include a payment schedule that I used from the tools on this website showing the payments and how much and how much extra they will get. The only thing is that they lowered the asking price again this morning when I already sent the email to the agent. What I want to know is if this email made sense to you and if I am on the right track in making the offer. I need to save my home first before I can move onto doing other homes.


an update...even though no one responded to the original lol.

The agent sent out two more families to look at the property and was really upset with one came back with the offer of about 30K. So she of course submitted that offer and it was rejected. She told me that she could not make my offer without a prequal letter. So I asked her again if she could try to submit it either online or verbally and if she could not then I would do my best and contact Fannie Mae directly. She sent me an email last night saying that she finally submitted the offer and will let me know what they say as soon as they let her know. She said that usually it is 24-48 hours. I hope that they take my offer. It will knock my payments down from $850 to $493. That is a lot of savings for me. Then we should have a little equity that we can start doing other homes!